The Practice of giving up expectations

I wrote a version of this post on a private blog when my daughter was first born.   When I saw that Sarah was hosting a Practices of Parenting carnival,  I knew I wanted to join.  I didn't however know what I would write about,  I have only been doing this Mama job for 10 months.  After wanting a baby for so long I have made up for my lack of experience in my expectations for parenting. I had expectations for everything from sleeping to how my child would act.   Managing those expectations is something that I do on a daily basis. 



After so many years of infertility it still amazes me that I have I have a daughter. But as we approach her first birthday I am hit with the realization that I not only have a baby girl but a baby girl that will one day be a woman. A woman who will have her own dreams, desires and heartaches. One who may one day want to be a mother or may want to be the first woman president or maybe do both. She might want to play baseball or be a ballerina she might hate pink or she might (I hope for the sake of my decorating budget) love it and want everything pink.

I won't lie,  I was as scared to have a daughter as I was excited.  In my  mind I saw her all soft and pink playing with her dolls and tea sets and then I saw her in a Juicy sweatsuit with the words sassy written across her butt. The second thought scared me.  The world is so full of expectations for how a girl and woman should be and I  know how loud the voices of the world are in a little girl who isn't secure in her own thoughts and likes.  But it wasn't just the worlds expectations,  I have also had to take a really hard look at the expectations that I have for this little girl.

I have joked ever since we found out Lillie was Lillie that I had two desires for her, that she would love Jesus with her whole heart and that she would love to read. They seem simple and while I was somewhat joking I think that there are allot of merits in those desires and I feel like those are values that I can teach her as she grows. Obviously if she has an identity in her savior than she will always be secure, and books will open doors for her beyond her reality or environment. So even though many of these are positive expectations.  I  want to be sure that the expectations of me and others who love her are never louder than her desires and the Lord's plans. I want to be constantly aware of how speaking those expectations can effect her as she discovers her own passions.

She is so blessed to be surrounded by a tribe of strong independent women of all ages and all walks of life. She has aunts, cousins, grandmothers, adopted aunts and friends who will always support her. What an amazing gift that she has been given. But while I think growing up around women and strong women is so important for a girl, sometimes we allow a little person to get lost in the ideas of how we think that they should be, they should be a dancer, be a singer she should love to shop, etc. I don't ever want her to feel that not being any of those things make her less.   I try daily to tell her, that the things she loves are so good,  the songs she likes,  the books she picks out,  and the way she dances.  I want her to be confident in who she was created to be.
As I was rocking her and praying for her before her early morning nap I stopped and said a prayer for myself. A prayer that I will always honor who she was made to be, that I wouldn't impose my own desires or unmet dreams on her and her own life.  That I would take all of my expectations and give them to Him so that I free to love her openly.