Away in a Manger

Many have written on this topic this month and many have done so much more eloquently than I can but as I sit in front of my tree this morning sipping my mint mocha coffee watching the Tiny Dancer play with her Little People Nativity set, the birth of my Jesus is heavy on my heart.

Though I have always known the "reason for the season" I am not sure that it has ever hit home for me the way it has this year. The last eight months have been a bit of a spiritual transformation. Having seen God honor my biggest request in the form of this baby has brought me to a place that is new to me, I have a wonderment at Him and his perfect timing that I pray will last through my lifetime. In the quiet hours of the morning when I am nursing my own little miracle I feel closer to my Lord than ever before. My emotions are strong and I am ashamed of my past doubts and hopeful for His future plans. My faith seems new and alive. In the same way I have been touched by my Jesus's birth story during this Advent.

Early this season we went to a local church's Journey through Bethlehem. As I walked through the dark path and past the Roman soldiers I could relate to Mary and her heaviness. Once we entered the city gates I was overwhelmed by the noises and the crowds and could only imagine enduring it last Christmas during my 3rd trimester. As we turned the corner and were faced with the Manger scene, tears started to roll down my cheeks. I held my baby closer and felt an understanding that I had never felt before. Oh sure, I have always known the importance of the manger birth but until facing childbirth myself I had never understood Mary's experience. I found myself wondering what her birth story was, and realizing that it wasn't anymore magical than mine. That Mary's story was so much more than that she gave birth to the Savior. It was her first childbirth and she did it alone with her husband and the animals. It hit me that she had a baby in a barn. She labored not with the comforts of a fancy hospital, not with the knowledge of her family in the waiting room, she felt every pain on the floor of a hay covered stall. She had her baby knowing that God had big plans for him and that he was chosen to save the world. It was overwhelming to me, I saw it in a new light.

The baby got really fussy as we approached the Cross at the end of the journey. So I left to go back to the car. I could hear the tour guide talking about the Cross but I was still at the manger and my heart has stayed there this season. As I have rocked and prayed for my baby I have wondered if my prayers are the same that Mary prayed over the baby Jesus and I am so honored to have seen the Christmas Story through my new perspective.