The Simplest Truth

One of my favorite outdoor spaces,  my parent's back porch

I did a fun photo shoot with the Tiny Dancer today and we had a wonderful time.  The sun was streaming in from the window and we laughed and giggled until she didn't laugh anymore because it was time to nap.  Its amazing how that little bit of sunshine made us feel better about our day.  I have missed being outside this summer and I have found myself longing for an outdoor retreat.  I have a backyard but its brown and dirty and so very hot.  I have always loved living outside. We have a great patio that is perfect for sharing a bottle of wine, something that used to happen when my family lived here and before friends had babies or moved away.  I know that I have new people to sit on the back patio with but these days its too hot.  This whole summer has been an indoor kind of summer, we have even left the shades closed most days giving our whole home a cave like dreariness.  Next week Lillie and I will be in Florida,  I am hoping that some fresh air and time on the beach will restore whatever is missing inside me this summer. And until fall brings crisp air and the chance to break out the jogging stroller I will continue to dream about a beautiful outdoor space all my own.

Flower from my Mom's yard

I have been thinking allot about what it means to be kind.  I have never really questioned whether I was a kind person. I always have had empathy for those who were less fortunate than myself and I hurt with and for those who don't know Jesus.  But Brian said something the other day...Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself and that means that first and foremost you are loving yourself.  Today I read this blog post and she made the same observation.

This is something that I have always struggled with,  I like myself and I am proud of myself but I expect way too much out of me.  I expect that I will have a perfect house and that I will be a loyal and dedicated friend to all of my friends that I will be the best at my job and my family will only eat the healthiest foods.  And that list is just a few of the things that I expect from myself on a DAILY basis.   So lately I am trying to be kinder to myself because I want my daughter to learn to treat herself with kindness. I am going to cut myself a few breaks.  Its ok, that I am not my skinniest right now,  my body has been through allot with Infertility and pregnancy.  I will do my best to be attractive and put together but its ok that I don't wake up at 4:00 am and workout for a hour. I will be proud when I manage to squeeze in 30 mins of yoga.  I went grocery shopping this week and I bought some frozen meals.  I tried to make good choices in the meals I chose but they are still overly processed and not the best for our health, however its better than eating chik fil a twice a day and its kinder and easier on me as I find a new balance with being a Mama and a Recruiter all in the same day. Some friendships have stalled, instead of beating myself up b/c I have lost touch I am forgiving myself for only being able to do so much right now, I pray that the kindness I am showing myself will carry over into those relationships and one day things will be back to normal.

I don't know why I felt the need to put this out there right now but it feels good to be honest and kind!