The Simplest Truth

Every year I choose a word that I want to embrace in my life.  So far I have chosen,  Create, Contentment, Abiding, Thankfulness and this year I have thought long and hard about this year's word.  First,  I made a list.

• Intentional
• Dream
• Motivated
• Create (again)
• Healthy

But none of them seemed quite right.  The truth is,  that I dream way too much already,  I am not easily swayed by a grim situation,  I am constantly dreaming bigger and better.   I am pretty intentional,  could I improve?  Sure and I plan on continuing to be thoughtful in all areas of my life. I create something almost daily,  I still keep my thankful journal,  I have to be motivated to keep my job... See where this is going?   All the words I thought of are things that I try to practice daily already.  This year I want to stretch myself,  I decided my word is going to be.....

PS.  We chose a family word too and I'll share more about that tomorrow!

Tonight I want to take my baby to Main Street and watch her dance to the music and lights.  I don't want to think about the hurt that others are feeling in a state not so far away.  I have turned off the tv and the news alerts,  I know enough.  Twenty Mamas have empty arms while mine are full of toddler hugs and messy kisses.  I find that unlike tragedies of the past this one has caused me to stop and cry all day long.   I can't not think about it,  I keep praying for those but yet I don't really know what to pray for them. Peace, Comfort, Understanding, Wisdom? I don't know what you say or what you pray for those who have a loss like this.  But I have found myself praying these words,  Dear Jesus, be near.   be near to those mamas, be near to the daddies,  be near to the teachers,  be near to the kids,  LORD, be near.  

I have always loved Christmas and all of the activities that go along with the season. My Mama heart almost exploded tonight as I watched Lillie fall in love with Christmas.  Tonight we went to eat downtown on Main Street.  Christmas festivities were in full swing and we thought that Lillie would enjoy all of the lights.  We walked through Santa's village before dinner and then afterwards stood in the square in front of the giant lit tree.  The lights on and around the tree are synced with music and Lillie was in awe.  We were listening to "Oh Holy Night" when suddenly she was singing with all of her might right along with the choir.  I felt my eyes tearing up as I watched the complete and total abandonment in which she sang and the wonderment that filled her entire face.  When the song was over she looked at me and said "more" then she wiggled out of my arms and danced in a little circle.   I have a feeling that this Christmas is going to be full of all kinds of magic.

"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

 Even though I am home most of the time with her Sunday morning was one of those rare mornings when the phone was put away and all of our obligations were hours later in the day.   I will treasure that time of just chatting and being with my little toddler.  I came home to a sink full of breakfast dishes but it was worth every moment.


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A few weeks ago we made the decision to make an effort to be regular church attenders again.  You see, we had a baby and we have never left that baby in the nursery.  She loves the praise and worship but once the preaching started she was done and I spent the majority of the service in the nursing room.  Then she outgrew that,  I knew that it was time for the nursery when I had her in the nursing room and she yelled hi at every person walking past the two way mirror.  She was so loud that a  friend in the service heard her and recognized her without knowing we were at that service. So we took her to the nursery where she saw her friends and had a great time and for the first time in over 6 years I worshipped without the distraction of a baby or the longing for a baby.

 I don't know that I have truly every put into words how my infertility affected my spiritual life,  how it caused me to spend every moment worshipping with tears running down my face.  How I felt angry, hopeful and devastated all at the same time.  How I cried out for answers but begged to trust in His timing.  How I couldn't really dream or pray for direction because this big unanswered prayer loomed between me and God.    I don't think I have articulated it because I didn't realize it was there until it was gone.  I know now that I am different and it was that grieving that caused my heart to change.

Now that I am coming out of my first year as a parent I am starting to dream a little and voice some of my other desires.   Because of my infertility I know that whatever He has planned it will truly be HIS best for me.  I stood in service the other day feeling like I had finally got it,  that he used that big answered prayer to teach me a little more about Him.  To show me that true contentment isn't in having all the answers its in knowing that HE has the answers and I am just along for the ride and that the little bit of Hope that I always had was enough to sustain me. I don't plan on Him always answering my prayers in the way that I want but I am excited now for the future and for what I will learn and for the chance to come to him with new desires and new requests.  

Jeremiah 29:11

  

One of my favorite bloggers,  Sarah Bessey is hosting a synchroblog today answering the question "What is saving your life right now?"

I have been thinking about this since reading her beautiful post on nursing her sweet baby girl who is only a week or two younger than LL.

Remembering to take the time to dance is saving me these days when the work load is heavy and sleep is rare. Dancing with my sweet Lillie reminds me to not take myself so serious,  to stop and play,  to remember that she comes before the phone, the emails and the endless household chores.    Like most little girls I took dance lessons and I spent my early 20s dancing well into the night but I have never claimed to be a good dancer. In fact my inability to keep the beat while clapping is a running joke with me and B.  But Lillie Louise doesn't care about my dance skills she just wants me to join her in what she loves most. She feels music in every inch of her chubby body and she can't help but to dance.    She reaches up her arms and asks to spin around and around.  We dance to the Wiggles, we dance to lullabies and praise music.  We shake our booties, wave our arms and kick our feet.  We become spiders, teapots, wheels on a bus and we tie up our ears.   Sometimes in the middle of making dinner she pulls on my leg and we spin and shake before she runs back to her dolls and her toys.  When Brian comes home and she is squeezing in between our hug we all three dance around our little house.  Finally when I am breathless from the spinning and she is hiccuping from all the laughing we cuddle up and I remember to thank God for saving me with my very own Tiny Dancer.

Like the rest of the world I spend my downtime pinning to Pinterest but rarely actually making anything from all of my browsing and pinning.   But along with blogging more I am determined to actually start creating from my pins.

So my newest project is this big frame filled with my Instagram pictures.   I ordered the prints through the PostalPix App on my iPhone. It was so easy and I received the prints in just two days.


I found this giant frame at a garage sale and B spray painted it while I was pregnant.  I used it in our living room a couple of different ways but this is by far my favorite.

I used a thin silver wire from the jewelry section of Joann's and the little clothespins, I found in the wood section.    I hot glued my wire because my frame is old and I didn't want to try to use finishing nails.  Besides hot glue is faster and easier to remove.  

I love using Instagram and I loved getting prints of my pictures. I think its a fun way to document the everyday beauty in my life.  There are of course many LL pictures but there were also some that were just good memories of the everyday.  Now every time I take a picture on Instagram I immediately upload it to PostalPix.  For $10 I got 30 prints.  My plan is to place an order once a month so that I can change out the pictures.